I'm Back.

I have to admit that after being out of the country for nearly a month, I really began to miss this place. I know it sounds nuts, especially considering that I took my holiday in a place where the danger signs looked like this:

And rushed back to Iraq, where the signs look more like this:

But it is home for me now, and I missed it.

After over a year in and around Baghdad, I've developed the warped sense of normalcy that TJ demonstrates in his last few posts. I mentioned this to him when I got back; I had put off reading the blog until the final week of my leave, and was stunned when I read some of his stories. What I realize now that I hadn't before is how unreal most of these stories sound when you are not actually living them. After just two weeks of vacation in an anonymous paradise, I was utterly shocked to read his entry on our close friend being tortured by Iraqi Police. After learning of our other friends, whose sons were kidnapped by terrorists, I was in disbelief. Now that's not the strange part. The strange part is that to those who are living these experiences in Iraq every day, they are completely normal occurrences. I think we all understand the numbness that takes over in situations like this, but it took a bit of time removed from the situation to realize the gravity of the things to which we become immune.

TJ writes about these events like another blogger may complain of a long meeting at work. They are, despite their magnitude, regular events. I had a bit of a revelation in this sense while away. It often surprised me when various folks on my trip asked me, "is it dangerous there?" after finding out where I worked. For the record, it is. Very.

I got the sense (after reading the blog and remembering what I had made a point to forget) that most people aren't ready to accept the brutal reality of life in a war zone, in the absence of overt war. I'm not sure I would have the framework to accept the reality of a close friend being picked up by police and being tortured for no good reason at all. For most people who come here, it is an eye-opening experience. So when I answer those people in the bar, or on the beach, or sitting next to me on a plane, I'm not sure they ever fully absorb what I tell them. I tell them about IEDs and mortars and ambushes on Route Irish and beheadings and kidnapped translators and snipers on the commute to work. I tell them about my friend Mo who was blown up just days after opening up his computer parts shop.

"This is my life," he said. "I have a degree in computer engineering." Two days later I helped him correct the spelling of "accessories" on his hand painted sign. A week after that, he was dead.

But I'm not sure that they understand. After two weeks away from work, I could hardly wrap my mind around it myself. I'm not sure what I can learn from this experience. Anyone with comments is more than welcome to chime in.

Before that, though, I would like to apologize if any of our readers are offended by my thoughts. I do not accuse you of a failure to understand. In fact, I am glad that there are folks among us that make an effort to understand what those in Iraq are going through. You are probably not the ones who would stop me and ask if it is actually dangerous here. In fact, I am sure you are not. Thank you for that. Thank you for reading what we have to say. It is funny that we started this blog to give people some level of ground truth that we didn't normally see in the regular media, and that I was reading it for that same purpose while I was away. I only wish I could have pointed some of those people asking questions this way, but, alas, it is anonymous. So it went; the seemingly endless number of strangers who were astounded that, indeed, it is dangerous to work in Iraq.

Even after all my complaints about media only reporting the bad news, it seems that people weren't really ready to accept certain facts about life in Iraq. A quick look at some headlines would seem to indicate that this is not a safe work environment. Apparently the message is somehow skewed into something like, well, "Iraq going down in flames, while US contractors laugh their way to the bank. Drunk." And incidentally, the other stories that often leave me frustrated are: A) how insanely rich contractors are becoming off reconstruction jobs; or B) how everyone just gets drunk and parties in the Green Zone.

Give them a break, OK? No matter how much they get paid, those contractors earn and deserve every damn cent they are paid and more.

For example, nearly all KBR employees here work over 12 hour days, 7 days a week. They get one day off for every Federal Holiday, within two weeks before or after the actual day. It is fine to say that the corporation may be fleecing the government, but please remember that there are folks here busting their ass to make a living in an unforgiving environment. The friends I have in that company (and others) work their ass off, and they are certainly not here to "get rich quick." And please don't think I'm making a political argument. I wouldn't waste my time on that.

Meanwhile, SashaK4 is back in town. She writes an awesome blog that gets much more personal than most. After 14 months in Iraq, she took a few months at home, and is back for more.

So I've returned. I am glad to be back. Thanks, TJ, for holding up the fort while I was away. I especially liked the one about six inch pipes. I've said it before and I'll say it again—you just can't make this stuff up.

-BC

[edit to add second picture and the link to Sasha's blog]